About one year ago, I attended a week long workshop with Byron Katie, an author and spiritual teacher who had a profound epiphany in her forties: during a severe mental health crisis, she realized that all her suffering was caused by her thoughts. She then went on to develop a methodology called “The Work” to support other people in exploring this concept.
I’ve been a mindfulness practitioner and observer of my thoughts for years, but that workshop brought a new level of awareness to how much my own experience is shaped by my thoughts and how I interpret reality. What causes me suffering, stress and anxiety is not what is happening, it’s the thought I am having about it.
For example: I follow many fellow leadership trainers and coaches on social media. When I see them sharing a success, there are different ways I can look at it. I can think they are better than me, there is something wrong with me, and then feel deflated and upset. As a consequence I get less excited about my work and disengage. Alternatively, I can use their success as inspiration, look for what I can learn and apply to my business. The result in this case is more engagement (and often, more business for me!). Same situation, different thoughts, very different results.
And I am not alone, all of us have thoughts and habitual default interpretations of reality that define how we experience it.Since attending the Byron Katie training, I’ve adopted a simple in-the-moment practice: when I have a disturbing thought, I ask myself, “Is it true? Really?” and reflect on it. More often than not, the answer is NO. And that opens my eyes to new possibilities.
It might sound radical to question the validity of our thoughts. After all, we often equate our identity with our thinking. But what is a thought, really? It’s a mental construct usually shaped by past experiences and by what we pay attention to. As Brazilian journalist Jout Jout aptly said, “A thought can be another thought.” Yet, we tend to cling to our thoughts, convinced they’re absolute truths.
Let’s explore this idea of truth for a moment.
If I ask you, “What is 1 + 1?” your immediate response might be “2.” That’s what we’ve been taught. But what if there are multiple answers to the same question? For example, if you combine one piece of chewed bubble gum with another, you end up with one bigger piece of chewed bubble gum—so 1 + 1 = 1. Or consider adding 1.4 + 1.4, which equals 2.8. If we’re rounding to single digits, 1 + 1 = 3.
The point is, our rigid ideas of right and wrong, good and bad, are based on the thoughts and beliefs we hold. But what if those thoughts weren’t the ultimate reality? What if we let go of our attachment to one perspective and embrace curiosity instead?
As we step into the new year, I want to make a radical invitation to YOU: experiment with questioning your thoughts and exploring what else might be true. Cultivate curiosity and an open mind. You may be surprised with the peace it can bring. And as a bonus, may also uncover new insights, deepen your connections, and open yourself up to possibilities you had never before considered.
I will leave you with this short, fun video to spark some more insights. Would love to hear back from you with reactions, comments or questions.
Wishing you a year filled with curiosity, growth, and discovery.
Be well, be now.
Warmly
Barbara
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